Why striving to be perfect is stealing your magic

striving to be perfect jacinda meiklejohn

Conflict and struggle in your life is often a battle between your idealised self and your true self. 

The idealised self - is the person you want the world to see. 

The perfect, beautiful, smart, successful, healthy, happy person. This is the self you portray to the world as a way of gaining status, validation, love and approval. 

The real self - is the divine part of you that is already perfect, whole and complete.

It does not need love, validation and approval from the outside world to feel good enough. The real self knows it is whole, and complete. It knows it is an ever evolving and expanding being that will continue to birth new wants and desires. It knows that the act of wanting something more doesn't mean you're not good enough, it means you're expanding and growing. Your real divine self does not depend on anyone or anything to gain a sense of self-worth. Deep within you, your true self knows that you are already worthy.

Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that you are
— Mandy Hale

And here's the funny thing! Any time you think or act in opposition to your true self, you feel conflict, because the real you at the core of your being knows when you are not in alignment with what is true for you. It knows that any negative, judgmental and critical thoughts are not the truth. Anything that is not loving and kind is not the truth. 

The idealised self is developed over time from our primal instincts to keep us safe. It puts up barriers and facades to cover up and hide the parts of ourself that we have come to believe are not worthy or good enough. And in doing so, it provides temporary protection from experiencing judgement, hurt and shame from the outside world.

But in truth what we are really doing is distancing ourself further and further from our truth. We attempt to run away from the pain and unworthiness we have associated towards ourself.

So we adopt survival mechanisms, so that we can avoid experiencing the pain or shame that we felt in the past. We may suppress or dull ourself down.  Or we strive to pump ourself up and put on a front to the world.  I stopped speaking up for fear of being seen as stupid. I stopped dancing for fear of being judged and laughed at. I pretended to be happy and helpful because I received positive validation. I began to hide the parts of me that were different to everyone else. Because different meant that I was weird and something was wrong with me. 

And on the other side of the scale, I strived to achieve through sport and my studies to gain recognition and a feeling of significance. I strived for the perfect body, so I could feel good enough. But the truth is no matter how I looked, I still felt the same, there was always something else that wasn't good enough. And even worse, trying to be perfect came with being a control freak. I couldn't cope without exercise and eating the way I needed to eat to look the way I thought I needed to look to feel beautiful. It's hard work to live this way. 

Trying to live as your idealised self can only continue for so long before the walls begin to crack. I was tired, drained and exhausted. I could no longer maintain the effort, and had to choose to let go of the controlling grip of trying to be the person I thought I should be and needed to be. 

I could no longer ignore my real self who was screaming inside, desperately trying to get my attention and giving me enough pain that I had no option other than to go inward to reconnect to myself and listen to my unheard and unmet needs.

As I now continue each day to live on this path of self awareness, I continue to let go of more and more layers of my idealised self - the person I thought I had to be, to fit in, gain validation and be accepted. 

I've learnt that it doesn't matter who accepts you out there if you are rejecting your true self. You can strive to have everything you thought you wanted, and because you've been ignoring your truth, it leaves you feeling empty, depleted and rejected inside. Wondering what you're doing with your life. Wondering what's next. And overall feeling lost. Because amidst all the busyness you lost your connection to yourself.

We feel pain, loneliness and separation when we reject ourselves. We tend to think that the world is rejecting us rather than realising that we in fact are the one rejecting ourself.

This is neglect. From providing the nurturing love and attention to the very core of our being. And the very person who needs your attention, approval and acceptance is YOU.

And until you do, you will feel conflict inside. Your real self will scream out to you louder and louder until it knocks you down with chaos or illness or disease. 

No matter how much you try to ignore it with sport, food, alcohol, shopping or your choice of distraction - you can't run away. Like a niggling injury it will always be there desperately trying to get your attention to be heard. 

And until you stop, tune inwards towards yourself and listen, you will continue to feel lost, stuck, discontent and confused. 

So how can you begin to let go of perfection to unleash your unique magic, your true beautiful real self?

  1. Listen to those thoughts, desires and impulses that you continue to push under the surface.
    Give them your attention. They are coming up to your awareness to be seen. Whatever you resist persists, so the longer you ignore it, the louder and more painful those thoughts will become.
  2. Get honest about what is really true for you.
    When you don't acknowledge your truth, you are rejecting yourself. It is up to you to learn how to connect to and be honest with yourself. I had no idea how to do this, or how to trust myself. These are skills that I have learnt and that you can too. Life changing. 
  3. Accept who you are.
    Accept what is. Peace arrives when you let go of who you think you should be and begin accepting who you really are. When you begin to know your true self and realise that the parts of you that have been hidden and suppressed are the very things that allow your heart to sing and your true magic to flow through you and into your life. Own your differences. Own your gifts. Own what makes your heart sing. Own your individuality. If you criticize and attack and judge yourself you're not accepting. Start owning your magic, and affirming that you accept yourself in the moment and where you are at now.
  4. Know that you are worthy and deserving just as you are.
    You are enough now. You were created a divine being, you are not separate from the life force energy that creates worlds. The ego will attempt to convince you otherwise. Remember who you really are. Anchor into this truth. You will begin to see the illusion of the ego, and fear that attempts to keep you separate from your true magic.
  5. Take a stand for yourself.
    Respect yourself. You matter. You living in your highest expression of the best version of you matters. If you're striving to be perfect to gain validation, or you're pretending to be someone you're not, and engaging in activities that do not align with your truth, respect yourself and your future happiness to make a change. You must choose to make your happiness more important than your struggle. You must choose to step into the unknown and try something different. If you're not willing to take a stand for yourself then you are making your suffering more important than your happiness. It is up to you. You must decide you are worth it. And you are, aren't you? You can do it. Believe in the power greater than you.
  6. We can only see our-self through our own level of awareness.
    We can't often see what's holding us back and dulling our magic. We often can't see what's keeping us stuck, because it is beyond our conscious awareness. Because of this, I choose to value and support myself by investing in my growth by hiring coaches and healers. To help me to see those parts of myself I've rejected, and clear the subconscious blocks and fears to me becoming the fullest, best version of me. I believe we don't have to go it alone. I believe that getting over myself enough, to allow myself support was one of the most important steps I have taken. 

If you're finding the inner conflict hard and you know it's time to change what you've been doing, I am here to help you, this is how I express my magic, it makes my heart sing to support people like you remember who they really are and to be the fullest version of that truth. You can book a session or find out how to work with me HERE.

So I ask you, what has it got to take for you to stop rejecting yourself and begin accepting yourself?

What has it got to take for you to connect to what makes your heart sing so that you too can express your light and your magic into the world. The world needs a whole lot more people expressing their light and magic. The world needs you and the unique gifts and magic that only you have. 

Let us see your divine light. Let us see your magic. Shine bright. 

Love Jacinda xx